Mislead Convert


I should start out by saying I am writing this based upon a reflection of my own heart. It is a reminder to myself foremost, and secondly for anyone who sees it as a such.
“La Illaha Illalah Muhammad-un Rasurullah,” a sincere statement murmured by my heart, among many others who’ve decided to change their path to that one of their Lord. The statement alleviated any anguish of the believing heart, and enforced their beliefs to the world outside their own. The saying of this statement was the beginning of the new transition, one marked by both uncertainty and happiness.
When the statement leaves the lips, the floodgates open and all emotions are released. Happiness, uncertainty, and excitement each take their time occupying the mind. But perhaps the heaviest emotion was loneliness. It demanded that its presence be acknowledged. It lingered, and nothing could remove the weight of it. In order to remove it, one had to recognize the feeling and take action against it. The method of alleviating the loneliness varies among converts, but the most prevalent today is turning towards social media to form relationships. I also chose this method in hopes of searching for a connection.
I created accounts on trending websites with good intentions, and I followed “popular” accounts related to Islam with hopes of learning more about my religion beyond what I had within my reach. I searched hashtags of topics and phrases related to Islam for hours in hopes of finding someone who understood my situation, which I did. I told my story in comment sections, and even complained about my situation after converting on these sites.
Eventually my follower count exceeded 500, which was is many for someone who started off with nothing. I always received messages asking me if I was a convert, or reversely I would make sure it was known I converted to this religion. There was always a hint of pride in the hearts about being a convert.
After a few months, I began to realize this path wasn’t even about Islam. It was drenched with arrogance. The mindset progressed into indirect battles between converts about who had the most hardships, who had the best conversion story, etc. The path became about boosting yourself so high that you expected everyone to know who you were, and your story. The perception of knowledge was pushed so it made it seem like the religione was studied diligently so people would stop and admire. It became about the followers, the likes, the opinions of people while our hearts disobeyed our Lord and his Prophet, to whom we just stated we believe in. I didn’t want you to recognize my soul as a believer of God foremost, the first thing I wanted you to know was that I am unique because I converted.
I am more than grateful that I recognized the wrong, and was able to correct my thoughts according to what truth said. I am sharing this story purely out of hope that I could help someone, or spark a reflection within themselves to change and become closer to God. I hate to see new converts fall into the same trap, where I am incapable of saying anything because the arrogance has already been built.

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